First off thank you so much to you all for your advice.
After much thought and long talks with people close to me I have decided to quit.
I do not like the fact that I am quitting something but I also can not stay in a environment that I feel is not good for me. I am EXTREMELY thankful that I was even given the chance to have a job there, as I do know how hard it is to get a job anywhere.
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Another thing, which is super hard for me to say on here, is there is more to me needing to quit this job then I previously stated.
Looking at the picture that I have up you most likely can not tell but I am a very big girl. I have had a weight issue pretty much all of my life. When I say big girl, trust me I mean big not. Not one of those girls the weighs 150 and considers themselves morbidly obese. I am WAY bigger then that. With that all being said, shamefully, it is hard for me to stand on my feet for 8 hours a day. Because of my weight my body can not take me standing for that long. Yesterday after 2-3 hours I could already feel the affects of this. My whole body hurt, I was extremely hot. All around it was not a good thing. I wanted to cry.
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I cam home and was in so much pain that all I could do was cry. Not only was is physical pain, it was a lot of emotional pain too. I cried to Josh and told him why it was so hard for me at work and he just said he loves me for me and it does not matter what I look like. He does want me to lose weight only for health reasons and so I feel better about myself.
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This post is actually extremely hard for me to write. I am almost in tears. I can not really stand to look at myself in the mirror. I do not think I am a ugly person, I promise I am not conceited. I do not like the way I look or feel at all. I feel bad for Josh because I feel like I embarrass him when we are out together, even though he tells me time and time again that he does not feel that way. I am ashamed of myself. I am embarrassed of myself. I am sad.
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Last night I got to talking to a girl I used to work with at a call center. She pretty much is in the same boat as me and weighs pretty close to what I do. Her doctor put her on a supervised diet. She has been on it for 3 weeks now and has already lost 24 pounds. She gave me all the information her doctor gave her about the diet. On Monday I am going to start this new lifestyle. I can no longer feel like this. I can not stand it for one minute. I don't want to die young because of weight and my primary doctor said if I don't do something about this sooner then later I may not see the age 40. I don't want to die, there is too much I want to do with my life.
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I know some of you may not understand what I am going through. Some of you may even think that I chose to be this way and all I do is sit and eat my day away. I promise that is not it. I know I am the only one to blame for this. I also know I am the only one that can turn this around. This is such a hard thing to do. I can not believe I wrote all of this but in a way it makes me feel a tad bit better.
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Thanks for reading a little piece from my heart. Now you all know one of, if not the main, reasons why I quit.
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Please don't judge me. I do that enough to myself everyday